Personal resilience is key to positive functioning in life. All of us encounter multiple stressors in our everyday life. Some of them are perceived as trivial and do not affect us in severe ways. Others are mildly stressful to us and we overcome them after some time. Some might prove to be life-changing. Yet most of the time, we are able to bounce back and return to our normal functioning after some duration of time. This is because human beings are capable of bouncing back after facing adversity in life. The process of doing so is called personal resilience. It is also called psychological hardiness.
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What makes people resilient?
If we look around, we would find that there exist vast individual differences in personal resilience. Some individuals are severely impacted by adversities. They become overwhelmed by the challenges and suffer physically as well as emotionally. Their distress is such that they might need clinical aid. On the other hand, some individuals are able to bounce back to their pre-adversity state remarkably soon. They are like rubber bands: no matter how much they are stretched they always regain their usual shape. What makes these people so resilient?
One of the predominant factors that make some individuals highly resilient is an early life experience. Children who receive proper nurturing are likely to be highly resilient adults. This is mainly because they develop positive coping resources in their formative years. Some of the resilience-building factors are:
- Good intellectual and problem-solving abilities
- Sound physical and mental health
- Close relationships with parents and peers
- Access to financial resources
- Good school and community
Does this mean that children who are less privileged will always grow up to be less resilient adults? The answer is NO. Research suggests that children coming from disrupted families lacking financial as well as emotional resources can grow up to be resilient adults.
8 ways to boost your personal resilience
Practice self-compassion:
Difficult life circumstances often make us feel guilty, alone, and fearful. This happens because we tend to blame ourselves for things we have not done. In such times, we need to be kind to ourselves. We need to recognize that everyone suffers in life and that we are not alone. In addition, we should not judge ourselves too harshly. A non-judgemental attitude is important because we cannot work for improvement if we are trapped in the vicious loop of self-criticism. Being able to be self-compassionate is key to building personal resilience.
How can we be self-compassionate? Practice the “How would you treat your friend exercise?” In this exercise, we imagine that a close friend was experiencing the same adversity and would give yourselves the same suggestions we would give them.
Sense of purpose:
Many of us have a tendency to think that the world is over when we are facing stressful life situations. Having a purpose in life means that we have goals and beliefs that drive our actions. Without a sense of purpose, we become like a rudderless ship. We tend to hold on to depressive thoughts. This, in turn, ensures that we are living in adversity for a longer duration of time.
How to get a sense of purpose during adversity? We need to push ourselves to join some activity groups. Do whatever makes you happy. If you enjoy praying, join the local pray group, if you enjoy walking, join your friends for walks, if you want to help and serve others, join community service. The important thing is to break the chain of negative thoughts and re-gain purpose in life.
Autonomy:
Autonomy involves taking charge of the situation. Wishfully thinking and praying that the problem will go away does not work. It is not easy to take charge when we are already overwhelmed. However, we need to keep ourselves motivated to keep taking the small steps to overcome the situation.
Autonomy is also important because it has been identified as one of the most important factors of intrinsic motivation. When we feel that we are in charge and independent, we are better able to take positive actions. Additionally, it improves our decision-making ability and makes us confident.
Social support:
Having friends and family to fall back on is an irreplaceable resource for building resilience. It is often seen that children coming from disrupted and abusive families are more resilient when they form trusting intimate relationships in adult life. Having a trusted co-worker and a good friend is extremely important. Simply chatting with friends and family will definitely not make the problem disappear but it will definitely help in the release of the emotion. This is important because once our mind is free from the emotional burden, we can spend more time and effort in cognitive coping.
How to build a good social network? Most social relationships are mutual. In order to get a good friend, you need to be one. Therefore, invest time in developing at least a few trusting social relations.
Healthy lifestyle:
The importance of physical health in promoting personal resilience cannot be stressed enough. In order to successfully deal with an emotional stressor, we need to have healthy bodies.
How to lead a healthy lifestyle? First and foremost, get adequate sleep. A healthy sleep cycle boosts the immune system and keeps us ready to fight diseases. Eating a balanced diet is crucial for health. Finally, we need to exercise. It not only keeps our body in shape but also releases endorphins which also boost our mental health. In addition, practicing mindfulness and meditation will also enable us to fight adversities.
Master new skills:
Learning new skills is likely to give us an edge over our fellow co-workers. In addition, it challenges us optimally thereby making us habituated to facing challenges in life. Such skills would be useful when we deal with adversities later.
What kind of skill should you learn? There is no one answer to this. It depends on the field you are working on and your interests. Some of us can learn cooking while others can learn a new language while others can learn skills relevant to their jobs.
Ask for help:
People with high personal resilience are not ashamed of asking for help. They know their limits and ask for help at the right time. We need to be aware of our life events and also learn to assess when the situation is going out of our control. There is no shame in accepting that we do not have the resources to complete a particular task. We can always ask for help and learn from others.
Sometimes it can be additionally stressful if we are bullied for asking for help. Therefore, we need to identify potential people whom we can trust and ask for help.
Activities for personal resilience:
There are some scientifically tested activities to enhance our personal resilience.
- Gratitude activity: This will make us focus on the positive things we have in our life, which we often take for granted. Therefore, it is important to write down 3-5 things you are grateful for. This helps because you are reminding yourself of the good things in life. You can also consider sending a gratitude letter or gratitude text to your friends and family. This is helpful because being able to express emotions helps in catharsis.
- Find the silver lining activity: Consider small adversity like missing your bus stop. You get down at the next stop. Think of something you are grateful for in this situation. You got a chance to walk back home and thereby got some exercise! This is helpful because not only are you able to mentally undo the adversity but also able to find a positive activity you have done.
- Storytelling activity: When we are facing adversity, we often keep thinking about the same incident again and again. We need to break this chain. To do so, we might consider re-appraising the situation in a positive light. By doing so, we foster a sense of control and autonomy in the adversity. Think about a recent stressful situation. Re-interpret it in a positive light and write it down. This is helpful because it will enable you to see that not everything is bad. Although certain things may appear difficult, you can still make them better. Be mindful of how you feel during the process.
To know more about building personal resilience, you may read personal resilience books like Resilience (HBR Emotional Intelligence Series). You may buy them on Amazon using our affiliate links:
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